Crying My Eyes Out

Yup, the blog got the time right. It's after midnight and I'm still awake. I've been crying my eyes out for the last hour. I'm so sad. I wish I were strong enough to not let my knee woes bother me so much, but I'm not. What set off the tears tonight was that my knee feels like it's raw and burning inside. It literally feels warm to the touch more than my other knee. In my opinion, my workout today shouldn't have triggered this much pain. I went to the gym near work at lunchtime and warmed up for 10 minutes on the recumbent bike. Then, I walked over to the weight machines and lifted only weights for my arms and shoulders. I did some sit-ups and stretches after that and I was done. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense that back in September and early October I was on my bike trainer at least every other day building up time slowly to 24 minutes before my knee bothered me. Now, I swam two days ago, then cycled 10 minutes today and my knee hurts. It seems like it's getting worse, not better. I struggle so much to have some semblance of a healthy life these days. I rest for a bit and get myself all positive and hopeful, then I cautiously begin exercising and am defeated all over again. Why do I deserve this?

One thing I will admit is that lately I haven't been good about my PT exercises. I know, I know... I got bored with them. They were the same thing every time. Ugh. C'mon though... those exercises could not have been what was holding me together. I'm not that frail! This is ridiculous. Shouldn't my knee be healing gradually simply due to time passing? It will be 5 months since my surgery next week. I have an appointment at PSM on Thursday. I have a feeling Susan will have no idea what to tell me anymore. She already said I'm her first patient who had some of their fat pad removed. She's been a PT for at least 10 years, so even though the procedure is not very common, I'm surprised she has no experience with it.

I'm going to be 37 years old on Saturday, but tonight I feel like a child who is sick and just wants her Mommy to say, "It's all going to be OK, you'll feel better soon."

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving weekend. Mine consisted of yummy turkey, all the trimmings, and great company. I saw a few movies, did a little shopping, and tried to fit in some down time. I realized I've been veering away from writing about my knee lately since I'm still frustrated from the elliptical trainer setback. On Thanksgiving Day I hoped on my trainer for the first time in weeks and pedaled away for 10 minutes. Not much, but it's a start. On Saturday I headed to the Bay Club for a swim. They have two indoor pools I swim in from time to time. Dang... they sure chlorinate those pools! I feel like it's my perfume for a day afterward. It's probably not good for my knee, but I also sat in the sauna for 15 minutes after my 35 minute swim. I love it.

So, I decided this week that I need to get back to weights. I was holding off a bit, thinking my knee would heal faster from the surgery and I would be able try the old routine I used to do years ago before I started training for races. It was a good all-around weight machine circuit for the upper and lower body. Now I realize, if I can't run or do heavy weights affecting my knee, I may as well get my upper body toned up! What do you think? Muscle is muscle, right? Hopefully, the lower body weights will follow later.

My Style

Ahh... now this is more like it! I stayed at The Ambrose Hotel in Santa Monica last night. This is much more my style. Soothing, cozy surroundings, not mirrors. If you get to L.A. anytime soon, check this place out. It even has "Green Initiatives."

http://www.ambrosehotel.com/index.html

Sniff... Cough...

I'm such a slacker! I haven't written a thing in over 2 weeks. As for my knee, I haven't had much to write about other than I'm trying to shift my focus away from it. I'm not sure if this is the best plan, but between work travels and coming down with a cold, I haven't done much exercise or physical therapy. Not good. At the same time, I'm tired of worrying about my knee and whether it's ever going to get better. On the positive side, my knee has not been bothering me at all. It's still sort of swollen, as usual, but it's not aching. Still, I haven't been testing it in any way, other than wearing heals once in a while. ; ) Now that I'm finally getting over my cold (and feel like I won't drown in a pool) I need to get back to swimming soon!

Last week I went to L.A. to print Holiday Week 1 window clings for Old Navy. Picture this. I fly to L.A., delayed flight, get to my hotel in Santa Monica around 10:30 PM. I had a bad cold, very congested and walk into my hotel The Viceroy. It's interior is a modern, slightly quirky design and the lobby was dark. First, they had me sit in a big green chair at the reception desk to check in. OK, not at a bank... Then, I headed upstairs to my room. Whoaaaa. I felt like I was in some kind of Alice in Wonderland inspired room. Not quite so "mad hatter," but full of mirrors and cabinets. I took this photo with my phone. I'm sure my cold made it seem more freaky than it really was! Did I sleep? Uh, no, of course not. By the time I got home Thursday night and got through Friday, I slept half the weekend. Wow, I was tired.