I'm So Sad

I went to physical therapy for the first time in 3 weeks on Thursday evening. Now my knee hurts again. : ( I don't know what to do anymore. I try so hard to be careful and not do too much, I really do. My friends, family, and even coworkers give me a look sometimes as if they know me and that I've probably doubled up my PT exercises since I'm perceived as the type to over do it. The honest truth is I don't. I have to confess, I don't do my PT exercises as much as I should. I'm always scared my knee will start to hurt, like it does tonight. I lie on my couch most of the time and only go out to run errands when I must. Lately, I've tried to see my parents and some friends a little more and until yesterday I was sure I was going to be able to be a little more social. Since my knee surgery in February, I've seen way too much of the inside of my apartment. Believe me, it's bleak.

Earlier this week, I really thought my knee had started to turn a corner. I was afraid to write this in my blog, I guess I didn't want to jinx it. My knee felt much better than the week before, even stronger. I actually walked to and from my car  into the office a few days. I brought my crutches in for backup, but didn't need them. There was no delayed pain the first or second day after, it was progress! That all changed after my PT appointment Thursday after work. Thing is, my physical therapist Alex tries to be so careful! We have such a hard time finding exercises that don't irritate my knee. The exercises I can do are very, very mild and I never do more at home than what she tells me to do. As I mentioned, most of the time, I do less. My only guess at the cause for my knee pain today was that some of the exercises we tested and ruled out from doing regularly really must have upset my knee. Who knows, maybe even some that felt fine at the time caused delayed pain. I'm so sad. It's hard to imagine at this point that my knee will ever recover.

I happen to have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Dye on Monday morning. I'm sure he will tell me, as usual, that what I am experiencing is not uncommon. He'll say that again, tell me to do everything I can to stay within my "envelope of function" and send me on my way. I'll just have to be patient. I've been patient for over 3 years now! I hope I made the right decision to have this second knee scope, I really do. There is nothing I can change about that now so tonight is another one of those nights where I'm going to cry and cry and let it all out. Hopefully, tomorrow my knee will feel better and my outlook will be a little brighter.