I can't figure out why I've been so tired lately. I shouldn't even use the word "lately." I've been tired for months now. Is all my energy going to heal my knee? Maybe it's just that I'm so out of shape. I remember during my training days that I used to feel much more rested even after less sleep than I'm getting right now. I feel so exhausted each day. My alarm goes off in the morning and I push snooze again and again... It's not that I dread going to work. I love my job, that's not an issue. Hmm... I'm just not sure.
Today I postponed my set physical therapy appointment to next week. It's been two weeks since my last session, but I've felt no improvement in my knee. I don't see the point of Alex giving me any new exercises when I cannot master the ones I already have on my list. My knee hurt more than usual this past weekend, so I've even slowed down the mild exercises I was doing. I sent Dr. Dye an email today since Alex seemed to think I should be more concerned about my slow healing process. It's not that I wasn't concerned, I've simply hit a limit to my amount of worrying. I'm tired of worrying about my knee. I've been concerned for over 3 years. It's really getting old! I feel as if I am doing so little in terms of activity post-surgery that there is not much less I can do. In time, my knee will feel better I know it. It's just taking much more time to get back to basic every day stuff than I hoped.
I continue to be impressed with Dr. Dye's response time to my messages. The guy must do nothing other than work. Seriously. If I'm correct he's in Japan right now lecturing on his research. I wrote him a message today late morning and he got back to me this afternoon! Dedication, I tell you. He told me my slow progress is not all that uncommon and some patients have a rough start the first few months after surgery. He reminded me of the 1 1/2 years predicted for full healing. I knew that time frame and thought I was OK with it. Now I'm grasping that maybe I didn't have a realistic view of what 1 1/2 years actually meant, especially the first few months. After my last knee scope, I was off crutches after less than two weeks. I didn't think it would be much different this time around. I was so wrong! It's now becoming more clear that even though Dr. Dye told me this surgery was "gentle," it really did upset the nerves and sensitivity in my knee. Each person's biology reacts differently. I'm definitely the sensitive type. Probably in more ways than one! I just can't believe I'm still dragging my darn crutches around! Dr. Dye said I have to find the right alchemy of rest, icing and activity, but made sure to mention I am approaching this in the right way. Thanks Dr. Dye! All I can say is, I'm trying my best. No, I am not using my crutches for each step, but I'm trying to find a balance so I can at least get my own cup of coffee in the morning. I think that's the hardest part. It's so difficult to carry anything dealing with on crutches! Patience is key here... Thanks for listening. : )
1 comment:
Ali, I think of you often and hope that you can hold out longer with your patience. I understand the feeling of being too worn out to worry any more. I think that healing does take a lot of energy. And for me, I think I am a lot more tired because I don't sleep well because I can't move around a lot. I wonder if you are sleeping well? I don't know but I can say that I have also been ridiculously tired over the past couple weeks, and it's now been 9 1/2 weeks since my bike accident.
keep at it...
-anne
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