More Steps Back

My knee has not improved. I'm so sad, I can't even say. It seems as if the 19 months of waiting, rest, the surgery... has all been undone. My knee feels achy and swollen with some burning pain, just like before my surgery. I'm so disappointed this is happening and don't know what to do about it. I don't believe there is anything else Dr. Anderson can do for me. She scoped my knee, so we know what is inside. Everything Dr. A saw that could have been causing my problem, she removed. I can't imagine where this discomfort and swelling is coming from and what exactly I did to cause it. I've been following my physical therapists instructions and not doing any more than she has recommended. Once I have rested a bit, maybe I should go back to swimming only or maybe just less time on the trainer. It's pathetic how little I do anymore and I am incredibly out of shape. I wanted so badly for this to change.

There are things in my life that I am grateful for, of course. I continue to love my job at Old Navy. I suppose there is some grace in the fact that it keeps me busy and my mind somewhat off of the fact I cannot train for races or even enjoy a weekend bike ride. I found a wonderful church to attend in the city and am starting to make friends there. I look forward to seeing them on Sundays and for various activities. At the same time, I miss my training friends immensely. I miss PacWest and everyone is moving on without me. Hey, they have to, and I have to let them go. I still don't think they understand why I had to pull away from them. They all thought I would be better in a few months and be back running, just like everyone else with injuries. I wasn't, not by a long shot. Maybe they understand now, I don't know. I was a Captain on the PacWest run team and was very active on the triathlon team. I really enjoyed attending as many workouts as possible each week. My biggest annoyance used to be having to take my turn handling the Saturday water stop and not being able to run that morning. Wow, that sounds like a dream right now. Missing one workout every month or two? I only wish.

As I've said before, I know there are worse things in life. I just watched a TV show about a woman living with incurable cancer. I can hardly imagine how hard that would be. Still, we are all allowed our own pity parties from time to time. A good cry sometimes does a world of good. Other than that, all I can do right now is rest, ice, and say a little prayer for healing.

One Step Forward...

...two steps back. Wait. Is that the the right phrase? I'm not sure, but it's what I feel like right now. After my 25 minute trainer ride yesterday morning, my knee was swollen all day. I woke up this morning and it's not better. I'm so frustrated! My knee has been swollen for almost 19 months! The surgery was supposed to remove the inflammation and my knee is not supposed to ache this way. I noticed it's not the throbbing ache it used to be, but it's swollen and a little sore nevertheless. : ( I rode my bike on the trainer at a fairly high cadence yesterday (around 90) so maybe that had something to do with it. I've ridden it that fast before, but not for 25 minutes. I'm going to rest today and try a ride tomorrow morning. I'll spin at an easier cadence and see how it feels. I need the cardio SO badly. It's frustrating to realize my progress may be stalling. Is my knee going to be sensitive and swollen forever??? Ugh.

Thoughts of Running

I woke up this morning almost feeling like I could run. It's been almost 8 weeks since my "scope" and up until now the idea of running sounded too hard on my knee. Now, those thoughts are changing. I figure it must mean my knee is healing. I've stopped wearing an Ace bandage around my knee during the day because I don't feel like I need it anymore. That doesn't mean I can't "feel" my knee though. The underside of my patella seems like it is still healing. When shopping at Trader Joe's the other day, I realized squatting to look at something on a bottom shelf... ooh, not a good thing. As Susan told me, "You are going to feel this for 3-4 months." I keep reminding myself of these words.

I'm mentally getting ready for a busy few months ahead. My boss Sandy keeps warning me and I guess until I'm in it, I'm not going to fully understand how crazed it will be. It's holiday print season for Old Navy and I will be traveling quite a lot for press checks. By October it will be weekly. In a way, I guess it's good that I am not training for any particular race. I'll really only have time for the small amount of cardio I do and my physical therapy. I'm up to 24 minutes on my trainer now. Woo hoo! ; ) Baby steps...

Follow-Up with Dr. Anderson

This morning was my 6-week follow up appointment with Dr. Lesley Anderson. It's been 7 weeks since my surgery and 6 weeks since I had my stitches out. After "hello," the first thing Dr. A said to me was, "Did it help?" I told her "yes," that I thought the surgery had helped. I said I am still experiencing some swelling, but she said that is to be expected.

Dr. Anderson was unusually chatty this morning, which was nice. She told me her daughter is getting ready to apply to medical school and that she hopes to go back East for her studies. Dr. A went to school at Hershey Medical School at Penn State and feels the medical schools on the East Coast are the best places to study. While she was telling me this she was doing her usual tests on my knee. She said my range of motion is great and the popping and cracking I feel is definitely scar tissue. It will soften up in time as I get more active. Dr. A told me she was a little worried about removing some of my fat pad because sometimes it can leave scaring that ends up being worse than the problem was before surgery. I explained that my knee feels better and the "knot" of discomfort I was experiencing is gone. She seemed pleased to hear that. She showed me the photos of the inside of my knee again and told me the way my fat pad was protruding was unusual. It was tough and was sticking out at an odd angle where it was likely getting caught between the bones. She also mentioned that the fraying cartilage on the underside of my kneecap was normal. This is common in runners and with age in general and typically is not painful at all. She felt my problem was from the fat pad and everything else inside my knee looks healthy.

As further guidance, she told me to massage my incisions to break down the scar tissue inside. If the hardened tissue does not soften up, she said she could inject some cortisone and that would help. Otherwise, she said to keep going to physical therapy and following their lead. If my knee is still swelling and bothering me in a few months, she said to come in for another follow-up appointment. The last thing Dr. Anderson said was that she thinks I'm going to be fine. I'm thin and healthy so she does not see that I will have bigger knee problems in the future. I simply need to manage my training and know when I am doing too much. I left her office early this morning feeling positive and optimistic. It's a great thing!

My Own Bed

Sometimes I forget how great it is to sleep in my own bed. When I travel, the hotel pillow-top mattresses can be comfy, but they are not home. I just got back from another long weekend trip followed by a few days of work in Los Angeles. It's nice to be home.

I spent last weekend in Stevens Point, Wisconsin for my friends Kim and Aaron's wedding. See the happy couple to the left. : ) This was my first trip to America's Dairyland and I enjoyed it very much. Even on a rainy day, the wedding was beautiful and everyone was so happy to be there, joining in the celebration. On Sunday, I flew to Los Angeles for two days of press checks. I'm realizing the traveling is tough on my knee and I haven't been able to fit in as much physical therapy as I should. I have my weekly PT appointment with Susan tomorrow. I hope it's good and that she sees some progress. I'm up to 22 minutes on my trainer (stationary bike). I know that doesn't seem like much to the average cyclist, but I have to start somewhere.

I also have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Anderson at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning. It's been 7 weeks total! It went by quickly. It will be interesting to see what she has to say.

Patience

I'm at the point where I want to know when my knee will be healed. Come on people... how long do I have to wait??? I realize my moments of impatience have more to do with the past 18+ months than the last 5 and a half weeks since my surgery. I do recognize I am taking the right "baby steps" along the way. I have faithfully done my physical therapy exercises at least once a day and I am riding my bike on my trainer or a stationary bike for 15 minutes a day. Do you know how good it feels to actually break a sweat? : )

Today, I had an appointment with my physical therapist Susan. I asked, "When will I be able to run?" She said we should wait until at least 8 weeks since my surgery before we decide if it's time to run, or not. Susan said I will be outside cycling before I am able to run. Fine. One thing at at time, I understand. I was happy to hear I can up my bike trainer time gradually to 25 minutes over the next week. I also asked Susan how long it will be before my knee feels normal again, if at all. She said it will feel normal again, but to be patient. People who have resurfacing of the underside of the patella will feel some discomfort for 3-4 months. There are nerve endings in the cartilage under the knee cap that are affected by the surgery and cause some pain. As far as I can tell, it sounds like my current aches and pains are to be expected.

During my PT sessions, Susan has been doing massage on my knee on and near my incisions to work out the scar tissue. Ouch! Once she's done she passes me off to a PT assistant for exercises. A guy named Christian worked me out hard today! I especially liked balancing on on my left leg while standing on an oval-shaped squishy foam pad... while Christian threw a weighted ball at me to catch. Whoa! At least he played the game too and I got to throw the ball back at him. ; )

Weekend Travels

I'm finally back from my weekend travels and another work trip to Minneapolis, MN. I had a wonderful time at the Bottomley family reunion in Portland, Oregon. My Aunt Anne, Uncle Bruce, and my cousin Sara and her husband Chris were great hosts. We spent Saturday afternoon at Washington Park in the rose garden listening to live music. I took it easy and did not go out on any hikes because of my knee, but it was a beautiful day and it was so nice to sit and talk with everyone. It was especially nice to see my cute, pregnant sister Meg and her husband David. :)



Once my family reunion was over, I headed straight to Minneapolis, MN for work. One of the printers I work with is there and I was needed for press checks for the upcoming Fall Preview Sale. My sales reps offered to take me to see the 35W bridge that collapsed a week ago today and killed at least 8 people. More are still missing. I didn't realize how close the bridge was to downtown Minneapolis. We walked across a stone bridge with many other people, taking photos and observing the recovery progress. From our vantage point, it was hard to see the entire collapsed bridge below the dam, but it was an eerie sight. Sometimes my personal frustrations with my knee or other things in life seem so minuscule compared to what many people experienced with the bridge tragedy last week. Some families are still waiting to hear about their loved ones. Many prayers for them and all of Minneapolis.

Physical Therapy - Day 1

I learned traveling for business is not good for recovery from knee surgery. Flying and airplane seats are rough on a swollen knee. :( I also walked around a very large, concrete pressroom floor for 12 hours on Monday. OK, there was time at lunch or in the customer lounge, but I have to say I was relieved when one of the nice pressman at Imagine Print Solutions in Minneapolis, MN brought me a folding chair while I was on the last press check Monday night. Whew... it was a long day. I was very grateful to my boss Sandy, who told me not to come into the office when I landed at SFO at 1:30 PM on Tuesday. I didn't realize how much I needed to get off my feet until I got home and crashed on my couch.

Today was my first PT session. It was nice to see Susan, my physical therapist, who is also a proud graduate of Acalanes High School in Lafayette, CA. She wants me swimming, pool running, and on a stationary bike ASAP. My travel schedule over the next week is not going to allow for much of this, but I'm going to fit in as much as I can. I realized Presidio Sport & Medicine was the right place for me to go for my PT when Susan asked what my goals are for the future. I told her my short term plans are getting back to regular exercise. Then, I said my long term plans are triathlons and running races. She asked "Marathons?" I answered, "Yes." She did not laugh or give me that disapproving look I have been so accustomed to seeing over the last year and a half. After doing a bunch of strength and flexibility tests on my knee, Susan said my range of motion is excellent for this point in my recovery. Yeah! That was good to hear.