Progress is the name of the game... Slowly, but surely my knee is getting better. Last week, I used my crutches to get from my car into the office to my desk and back, and also for longer jaunts to the cafe or meetings further from my desk. I walked to the printer and to meetings nearby. After a week of this my knee seemed fine. This week, I decided to use my crutches to get in and out of the office, but leave my crutches at my desk and be able to walk longer distances such as to the cafe for breakfast and lunch. What freedom I tell you! : ) To be able to go to the cafe and carry my own cup of coffee and cereal back to my desk for breakfast is so nice. It's only Tuesday, but my plan seems to be going well. I won't make any huge statements on my progress until the end of the week, but so far so good. I would love to say I could ditch my crutches for the last time by next week, but my guess is that I will hang onto them for another week or so, even if just as back up. As much as I dislike my crutches, they are now a bit of a security item for me. I wouldn't want to get stuck somewhere without them and my knee starts to hurt.
Physical therapy has been moving along too. I don't have difficult exercises to do, but I'm to make sure I complete a quad and hip exercise each day, as well as some abdominal exercises. I'm still on an "every other" week PT pattern, but if Alex feels my knee has healed enough when I see her next week, I'll go back to every week for PT. I'm not sure how long this will last, but I know it is necessary. My knee does feel weak and I have to build up those muscles again surrounding my knee to bring it back to the full support it needs again to get back to regular activity.
The weather is finally getting sunny again so it's tempting to be out and about and frustrating not to be able to do much. I'm patient though. Hopefully, swimming is right around the corner and that will allow me to get that Vitamin D from the sun I need (albeit with sunscreen!). They say 15 minutes in the sun each day provides us with much needed light therapy for mind and body health. Interesting, huh?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Another "Work from Home" Day
I'm back on my couch working from home today. No, my knee hasn't started to hurt again, this is simply a precautionary measure. I had a physical therapy appointment yesterday and my manager at work and I decided I would work from home the day after physical therapy for the time being. I will probably do this a few more times to allow my knee some extra rest. I am lucky to have supportive coworkers that allow me to do this.
That said, I'm on edge today and realize I have been feeling this way since the weekend. I haven't been able to shake it. I'm frustrated with my healing process and can't seem to let that go and relax. I know I should be content knowing that in time my knee will be fine. Right now, I am not content. This has turned into me being defensive and I have snapped at people for the last few days. This is not good and I do not want it to continue, but it's been really hard to stop for some reason. My take on my defensiveness is that I feel inadequate physically so I'm extra edgy when anyone criticizes my work or other personal things. I already feel bad enough personally, that I want to succeed and have control over everything else. I want work to be going perfectly and when it doesn't, I get all snippy and frustrated. I know this is not a healthy place to be as I love my job and am very grateful it's a part of my life. I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize my standing as "employed" so I'm trying my best to suppress my issues.
So, I'm not exactly enjoying my "work from home day." The last one I had was good. I got SO much done since there weren't nearly as many phone calls, meetings, or interruptions going on. Today is different. I'm a little bitter that I need this at all and am probably feeling a little lonely since I already had a boring weekend last weekend and didn't get out much. At work I'm surrounded by people and am somewhat distracted from my knee problem since there is so much to do. I didn't realize I needed that distraction until now. Sigh. As in most situations, I'm sure this is all a phase and I'll get through it. In time, always in time.
That said, I'm on edge today and realize I have been feeling this way since the weekend. I haven't been able to shake it. I'm frustrated with my healing process and can't seem to let that go and relax. I know I should be content knowing that in time my knee will be fine. Right now, I am not content. This has turned into me being defensive and I have snapped at people for the last few days. This is not good and I do not want it to continue, but it's been really hard to stop for some reason. My take on my defensiveness is that I feel inadequate physically so I'm extra edgy when anyone criticizes my work or other personal things. I already feel bad enough personally, that I want to succeed and have control over everything else. I want work to be going perfectly and when it doesn't, I get all snippy and frustrated. I know this is not a healthy place to be as I love my job and am very grateful it's a part of my life. I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize my standing as "employed" so I'm trying my best to suppress my issues.
So, I'm not exactly enjoying my "work from home day." The last one I had was good. I got SO much done since there weren't nearly as many phone calls, meetings, or interruptions going on. Today is different. I'm a little bitter that I need this at all and am probably feeling a little lonely since I already had a boring weekend last weekend and didn't get out much. At work I'm surrounded by people and am somewhat distracted from my knee problem since there is so much to do. I didn't realize I needed that distraction until now. Sigh. As in most situations, I'm sure this is all a phase and I'll get through it. In time, always in time.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I'm Bored
I never thought I would say this... I'm bored. Usually, my days are so scheduled and busy during the week that I relish some downtime. After a long week at work, Saturday can involve some rest time and TiVo. I wouldn't call myself a couch potato, just a bit of a home-body. I do look forward to spending time with friends and fun activities on the weekends, but I like a good balance of this and a little time to myself. It's my way to re-charge for another week of meetings and accomplishing my tasks and goals.
The week and a half after my knee scope was good, very restful. It took me a few days to stop the work details from running through my head. During my stay in the hospital I woke up in the middle of the night still thinking I was at work and the tasks made my head spin, along with the nausea I was feeling. When I realized where I was I was relieved at the prospect of the forced rest. A week into my time off, I had read a few books and saw a few movies. My head was completely out of work and even though I wasn't lying on a beach as during a typical vacation, it was refreshing.
Now, I'm glad to be back at work and slowly getting back to a normal schedule. I have to admit, the necessary rest in the evenings and on the weekends is getting boring. I love my TiVo and reading, but there is only so much I can watch and read and not get outside much. The scenery inside leaves a bit to be desired. I wish I could get out and do more, but the reality is that I still need to take it easy. This will be the case for the next few weeks. What to do with myself? I'm still trying to figure that out. Maybe some short jaunts out and about will be just fine. An afternoon matinee (transport via bus to the theater) or a pedicure. There is something about shiny, bright toenails that cheer me up. : ) In time, I'll get back to my usual routine and I realize these few months of extra rest will be short in comparison to what I'll be able to do in the near future. Until then, I'll try to embrace the boredom. It's the necessary means to an end.
The week and a half after my knee scope was good, very restful. It took me a few days to stop the work details from running through my head. During my stay in the hospital I woke up in the middle of the night still thinking I was at work and the tasks made my head spin, along with the nausea I was feeling. When I realized where I was I was relieved at the prospect of the forced rest. A week into my time off, I had read a few books and saw a few movies. My head was completely out of work and even though I wasn't lying on a beach as during a typical vacation, it was refreshing.
Now, I'm glad to be back at work and slowly getting back to a normal schedule. I have to admit, the necessary rest in the evenings and on the weekends is getting boring. I love my TiVo and reading, but there is only so much I can watch and read and not get outside much. The scenery inside leaves a bit to be desired. I wish I could get out and do more, but the reality is that I still need to take it easy. This will be the case for the next few weeks. What to do with myself? I'm still trying to figure that out. Maybe some short jaunts out and about will be just fine. An afternoon matinee (transport via bus to the theater) or a pedicure. There is something about shiny, bright toenails that cheer me up. : ) In time, I'll get back to my usual routine and I realize these few months of extra rest will be short in comparison to what I'll be able to do in the near future. Until then, I'll try to embrace the boredom. It's the necessary means to an end.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
In The Clear
Dr. Dye said my knee looks fine, actually better than most at this point after surgery. What? Really? I didn't expect him to say that! He told me again that setbacks happen for people and it's not uncommon at all. I'm so relieved. That said, I continue to have a heightened awareness to be cautious for a long time to come. I won't be ditching my crutches cold turkey again. Slow, careful progress will now ensue. Maybe by the end of the week I'll be ready to walk to the printer, but not to meetings down the hall. Next week could be walking to meetings down the hall, but not to the cafe for lunch. Baby steps...
Along with gentle physical therapy, Dr. Dye said he wants me to focus on increasing my range of motion. He encourages his patients to do easy cycling (no resistance) and even get in the pool for walking in the shallow end or swimming. I'm going to consider these things, but probably won't get in a pool quite yet. I'm not ready to push myself too much after my experience last week. Am I scared? Yes, rightly so. Maybe next week, once I'm walking a little more, I'll be ready to move on to something new. Dr. Dye also suggested that from time to time during the day, I should make sure to take a moment to move my leg up and down as if cycling. This will help towards the better range of motion. Currently, I cannot bend my left leg all the way so my foot kicks up to my behind. My flexibility is not great. I'll make an extra effort to work on this, all without pain.
Overall, my outlook is much better today. I needed this and for once, Monday is a good day!
Along with gentle physical therapy, Dr. Dye said he wants me to focus on increasing my range of motion. He encourages his patients to do easy cycling (no resistance) and even get in the pool for walking in the shallow end or swimming. I'm going to consider these things, but probably won't get in a pool quite yet. I'm not ready to push myself too much after my experience last week. Am I scared? Yes, rightly so. Maybe next week, once I'm walking a little more, I'll be ready to move on to something new. Dr. Dye also suggested that from time to time during the day, I should make sure to take a moment to move my leg up and down as if cycling. This will help towards the better range of motion. Currently, I cannot bend my left leg all the way so my foot kicks up to my behind. My flexibility is not great. I'll make an extra effort to work on this, all without pain.
Overall, my outlook is much better today. I needed this and for once, Monday is a good day!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Flowers from Mom
I woke up this morning and my knee felt a little better. The "feeling better" is in teeny, tiny increments these days and that's OK, as long as it continues. I'm not back to the point where my physical therapist had me ditch the crutches last time, but even if I was, I wouldn't be as quick to leave them behind. Now that I've had this bad setback experience, I don't want it to happen again. That means being much more cautious and careful now than I ever was before.
My Mom drove from the East Bay into the city to spend the afternoon with me. Thanks Mom! It was nice. After spending most of the weekend alone on my couch, it was good to see my Mom and catch up in person. My parents got back from Spokane last week after spending a long weekend with my sister and her family. My Mom brought me pretty flowers from their garden and an few servings of corned beef hash they made this weekend. I ate some for dinner and it was delicious. Mom also went with me to the grocery store. I've found one of the hardest things about being on crutches is making a trip to the market. My Mom carried everything and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to stock up on nearly as much food for the week! The big secret I kept was that I was about to call her this morning when she called me first and offered to drive into the city. I was very grateful for her help, as well as my health. Without her, I might have been ordering pizza or Chinese food all week! Of course, I do have friends I could have asked for help as well, they have offered more than once and I should take them up on it. One of my biggest faults is having a hard time asking for help from anyone. I'm working on it... I really am!
My Mom drove from the East Bay into the city to spend the afternoon with me. Thanks Mom! It was nice. After spending most of the weekend alone on my couch, it was good to see my Mom and catch up in person. My parents got back from Spokane last week after spending a long weekend with my sister and her family. My Mom brought me pretty flowers from their garden and an few servings of corned beef hash they made this weekend. I ate some for dinner and it was delicious. Mom also went with me to the grocery store. I've found one of the hardest things about being on crutches is making a trip to the market. My Mom carried everything and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to stock up on nearly as much food for the week! The big secret I kept was that I was about to call her this morning when she called me first and offered to drive into the city. I was very grateful for her help, as well as my health. Without her, I might have been ordering pizza or Chinese food all week! Of course, I do have friends I could have asked for help as well, they have offered more than once and I should take them up on it. One of my biggest faults is having a hard time asking for help from anyone. I'm working on it... I really am!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Pondering Knee Swelling
The main question I've heard during the last few days was, "Did your knee swell up again?" This was usually asked, among other questions, when someone at work noticed I was on crutches again. There were many, many hallway knee pain conversations on Thursday and Friday this week.
Even though this question seems totally logical for anyone to ask, unfortunately, I don't have a clear answer. You see, my knee has been swollen for over 3 years. Ever since the pain began during that long training run back in early March 2006, I've had some semblance of swelling in my knee. It has changed over time and some days it is better than others. Right now, my answer to that question is, "I don't know." The swelling from the surgery had not gone away when the knee pain began and I didn't really expect it to do so. Swelling from surgery takes time to dissipate completely. Haven't we all learned this from watching Dr. 90210? Oh, you don't watch that show? ; ) Well, it can take up to 6 months for swelling to be completely gone. Out of curiosity, I am going to ask Dr. Dye his take on knee swelling from a Synovectomy during our Monday morning appointment.
Below is a photo I took of my knee today. I'm hoping to keep better track of my progress from here on out. It will be interesting to document whether the swelling goes up or down, depending on my activity level. If I've learned anything in the past week or more, my knee is very sensitive. I've already started taking "resting" to an entirely new level. By the way, don't knees look strange up close?
Below is a photo I took of my knee today. I'm hoping to keep better track of my progress from here on out. It will be interesting to document whether the swelling goes up or down, depending on my activity level. If I've learned anything in the past week or more, my knee is very sensitive. I've already started taking "resting" to an entirely new level. By the way, don't knees look strange up close?
4 Weeks Post-Op, March 14, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Back on Crutches
The bad news is I'm back on my crutches today. The good news is that my knee is feeling better. It's little tired at the end of the work day, but better overall. I have an early evening appointment tonight with Alex, my physical therapist, and she and I need to have a long talk. I spoke with her on the phone yesterday afternoon. That was the first time we were able to touch base since my knee started to hurt. She's been sick and it's hard for her to make calls in-between seeing patients, so we were missing each others call for a few days. Of course, she blamed my knee pain on the one day I spent too much time walking around. Figures. Personally, I think her exercises with too much resistance were an issue. It was probably a combination of things. I was the one to suggest I pick up my crutches again for a few days and Alex agreed. I figure it's a good precautionary measure for the new few days and then I'll lay low over the weekend as usual. Once Alex and I talk tonight, she said she plans to call Dr. Dye so we can all agree on my care moving forward. Good. Maybe that should have been done already? In a perfect world, I suppose. Reality shows we only have a meeting of the minds in crisis. That's too bad and I hope my recovery is not in jeopardy. Time will tell.
Also, another bit of good news... I'm now able to park in the lot across from our building at work! I'm supposed to keep it on the "down low" since someone I work with was able to finagle
a deal with our security team for the next 30 days. This is not typically allowed, which surprised me. I'm sure there are other people in my office who may need special exceptions for temporary parking due to injury or illness. Interesting, I guess it's just "who-you-know" and I got lucky. After the 30 days, I may bite the bullet and pay for parking for another month just to be safe. I'm normally pretty frugal, but if it's about my health, I better spend the money. I'm sure it will help that I won't have to walk to the bus and Muni train and get stuck standing during my commute. Sure, it will cost me extra in gas for my car, but that's OK. It will be worth it!
Also, another bit of good news... I'm now able to park in the lot across from our building at work! I'm supposed to keep it on the "down low" since someone I work with was able to finagle
a deal with our security team for the next 30 days. This is not typically allowed, which surprised me. I'm sure there are other people in my office who may need special exceptions for temporary parking due to injury or illness. Interesting, I guess it's just "who-you-know" and I got lucky. After the 30 days, I may bite the bullet and pay for parking for another month just to be safe. I'm normally pretty frugal, but if it's about my health, I better spend the money. I'm sure it will help that I won't have to walk to the bus and Muni train and get stuck standing during my commute. Sure, it will cost me extra in gas for my car, but that's OK. It will be worth it!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
More Questions for Dr. Dye - March 10, Part 2
I thought through my phone call with Dr. Dye earlier today and decided I did have additional questions for him. I told my boss Sandy about the call and she asked whether I should take the day off tomorrow or not. Interesting, that had not come to mind as an option and I started to compose the following email to Dr. Dye.
Dear Dr. Dye,
Thank you for speaking with me on the phone this morning. I do have more questions regarding our conversation about my recent knee pain.
1) I spoke to my manager at work about my conversation with you. She asked, would it help if I took tomorrow off work and rested? I realize you also said it's important to keep moving and do the exercises I can do, so maybe it won't make a difference either way, but I wanted to ask. I've been careful at work and try not to get up and down as much as usual, although it is more walking and some standing as opposed to couch/rest time.
2) Has the impingement of the synovium in my knee caused the inflammation to come back the same as before the surgery? Did the multiplication of cells happen that quickly and I'm at square one again?
3) There is one other "test" Alex, my physical therapist, has been doing I want to clear with you. Same as the PT I worked with after my last surgery, she seems to always want to see increased range of motion in the angle I can bend my knee while lying on the table. I've told her it hurts to keep my bent at the sharp angle while she measures the degree of flex, but she doesn't seem concerned. I want to make sure it is OK to continue to let her do this test. Obviously, increasing my range of motion is important.
I want to do as much as I can to experience a full recovery from my synovitis. I'm very upset that I've had this setback and that my recovery may be compromised. I've suffered so long and this was the last thing I wanted to happen. I know you said this can happen and people have recovered just fine, but to me that also means some do not. I don't want to be in the 15% of people you said the synovectomy do not help, especially when it may be my own fault.
Please let me know about tomorrow.
Thanks,
Alexandra Bottomley
A few hours later, there were Dr. Dye's answers. It make me realize how long winded I am! Hey, he gets to the point, there is nothing wrong about that.
1 Probably a good idea.
2 Can't tell at this point. You probably have not set things back to pre-op conditions. This kind of thing happens and recovers all the time.
3 Range of motion should be measured in a pain free manner.
Best wishes, Dr. Dye
Dear Dr. Dye,
Thank you for speaking with me on the phone this morning. I do have more questions regarding our conversation about my recent knee pain.
1) I spoke to my manager at work about my conversation with you. She asked, would it help if I took tomorrow off work and rested? I realize you also said it's important to keep moving and do the exercises I can do, so maybe it won't make a difference either way, but I wanted to ask. I've been careful at work and try not to get up and down as much as usual, although it is more walking and some standing as opposed to couch/rest time.
2) Has the impingement of the synovium in my knee caused the inflammation to come back the same as before the surgery? Did the multiplication of cells happen that quickly and I'm at square one again?
3) There is one other "test" Alex, my physical therapist, has been doing I want to clear with you. Same as the PT I worked with after my last surgery, she seems to always want to see increased range of motion in the angle I can bend my knee while lying on the table. I've told her it hurts to keep my bent at the sharp angle while she measures the degree of flex, but she doesn't seem concerned. I want to make sure it is OK to continue to let her do this test. Obviously, increasing my range of motion is important.
I want to do as much as I can to experience a full recovery from my synovitis. I'm very upset that I've had this setback and that my recovery may be compromised. I've suffered so long and this was the last thing I wanted to happen. I know you said this can happen and people have recovered just fine, but to me that also means some do not. I don't want to be in the 15% of people you said the synovectomy do not help, especially when it may be my own fault.
Please let me know about tomorrow.
Thanks,
Alexandra Bottomley
A few hours later, there were Dr. Dye's answers. It make me realize how long winded I am! Hey, he gets to the point, there is nothing wrong about that.
1 Probably a good idea.
2 Can't tell at this point. You probably have not set things back to pre-op conditions. This kind of thing happens and recovers all the time.
3 Range of motion should be measured in a pain free manner.
Best wishes, Dr. Dye
Decision made. I'm actually not taking the day off tomorrow, but I am going to work from home. My couch, my laptop, and me. Oh, and our sidekick frozen peas! We're all quite good friends these days. ; ) I'm very grateful to have a manager and team at work who are supporting me in this and understand how important it is to me to get better. Yes, I wish my knee wasn't hurting right now. Yes, I wish I could have done something differently to have kept this setback from happening. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to change it now. Hopefully in a few days I will feel better emotionally and physically.
I Want a Do-Over - March 10, Part 1
I'm kind of numb right now. I'm somewhere in between crying and being just plain mad. I was able to talk to Dr. Dye around 11:00 AM this morning. He asked about the pain I am experiencing in my knee and I explained a little further from the message I sent to him on Sunday. He asked which exercise I was doing that was now painful and I told him it was the straight-leg raise to back. He asked how heavy the weight was and I told him 5 lbs. Immediately, he said "That is too heavy." What??? I'm surprised Alex would assign a weight for me that is too heavy at this critical juncture in my recovery from surgery, especially since she is supposed to know Dr. Dye's requirements. I'm not blaming her completely of course. I did have that Saturday where I did too much and my knee hurt. I'm sure that did not help.
Dr. Dye said it sounds like there is an impingement of the synovium, exactly what we didn't want to happen. He said I did the right thing by stopping the exercise causing pain. That seemed obvious to me, but I guess some people choose to keep on through pain. He suggested I start taking Advil Liqui-Gels right away, two at breakfast and two at dinner each day. He mentioned this inflammation can happen and he's seen people recover just fine after experiencing this type of pain after surgery. To be honest, him saying that didn't make me feel better. I kind of don't believe him and am really distraught about this. I want a do-over. The impingement of my synovial lining has been the problem from the beginning. Whether it was my day of over-doing it or the PT exercises, I can't believe I let it happen less than a month after surgery. My plan was to be so careful and cautious and I feel like I blew it. Dr. Dye did say he wanted me to continue to do the exercises that do not hurt. It's important to keep moving and progressing my range of motion.
I have physical therapy on Thursday, then my follow-up in person with Dr. Dye on Monday. Dr. Dye told me to call him anytime with more questions.
Dr. Dye said it sounds like there is an impingement of the synovium, exactly what we didn't want to happen. He said I did the right thing by stopping the exercise causing pain. That seemed obvious to me, but I guess some people choose to keep on through pain. He suggested I start taking Advil Liqui-Gels right away, two at breakfast and two at dinner each day. He mentioned this inflammation can happen and he's seen people recover just fine after experiencing this type of pain after surgery. To be honest, him saying that didn't make me feel better. I kind of don't believe him and am really distraught about this. I want a do-over. The impingement of my synovial lining has been the problem from the beginning. Whether it was my day of over-doing it or the PT exercises, I can't believe I let it happen less than a month after surgery. My plan was to be so careful and cautious and I feel like I blew it. Dr. Dye did say he wanted me to continue to do the exercises that do not hurt. It's important to keep moving and progressing my range of motion.
I have physical therapy on Thursday, then my follow-up in person with Dr. Dye on Monday. Dr. Dye told me to call him anytime with more questions.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Pleasantly Surprised
Over the last few years, not much has changed involving my expectations about medical professionals. I continue to keep that bar set pretty low since I've been treated pretty poorly at times. I guess that is why I'm always so surprised with Dr. Dye's response to my questions so far via email. As stated in my post yesterday that I sent Dr. Dye an email last night with concerns about my knee pain. I figured I would possibly see a response within a day or two. I left my office tonight having heard nothing from my physical therapist (I still have not heard from Alex) or Dr. Dye and was a little annoyed, but brushed it off. Well, apparently the voice mail on my cell phone was delayed since I noticed around 6:30 PM there was a message saying it was recorded at 4:00 PM although it wasn't there when I left work. Not recognizing the number, I checked it and there was Dr. Dye! I was quite shocked. He actually took the time to call and leave a personal message! Amazing. He sounded concerned and said he would fit me in for an office visit tomorrow instead of next week, but if that wasn't possible he wanted to at least discuss my knee pain over the phone. Very nice.
Today, my knee felt slightly better, but not great. It's so hard to explain what is going on, but it feels like something is "catching" in the front of my knee under my knee cap. I figure it may be the swelling that will most likely persist there for a while as it was the area most affected by the scope. I tried again tonight and I still can't do one of my PT exercises, the straight-leg raise to the back. Before last week, it was fine and didn't hurt at all. Nothing has changed since this exercise was assigned to me from the first PT session. I wrap a 5 lb weight around my leg above my knee and lie on my stomach. The movement is to lift my leg up 3-4 inches from the ground and hold it for 10 seconds, 2 sets of 12-15 reps. The first two weeks it didn't hurt at all and now it does. So odd... it's not as if I increased the weight! Obviously, I'm not doing that one anymore.
I haven't decided whether to see Dr. Dye tomorrow or not. I'll call him in the morning and explain the pain, then see what he says. Maybe he'll want to see how my knee looks or based on our conversation, he'll tell me to take it easy until our set follow-up next Monday. No matter what, I'm glad he responded so quickly. He clearly is serious about his post-surgery patient care.
Today, my knee felt slightly better, but not great. It's so hard to explain what is going on, but it feels like something is "catching" in the front of my knee under my knee cap. I figure it may be the swelling that will most likely persist there for a while as it was the area most affected by the scope. I tried again tonight and I still can't do one of my PT exercises, the straight-leg raise to the back. Before last week, it was fine and didn't hurt at all. Nothing has changed since this exercise was assigned to me from the first PT session. I wrap a 5 lb weight around my leg above my knee and lie on my stomach. The movement is to lift my leg up 3-4 inches from the ground and hold it for 10 seconds, 2 sets of 12-15 reps. The first two weeks it didn't hurt at all and now it does. So odd... it's not as if I increased the weight! Obviously, I'm not doing that one anymore.
I haven't decided whether to see Dr. Dye tomorrow or not. I'll call him in the morning and explain the pain, then see what he says. Maybe he'll want to see how my knee looks or based on our conversation, he'll tell me to take it easy until our set follow-up next Monday. No matter what, I'm glad he responded so quickly. He clearly is serious about his post-surgery patient care.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Lost in Unknownland
I'm having a hard time stopping my tears right now. I've tried really hard to my blog posts as positive as possible, even when I'm having a hard time. Most of the time I feel as if it's best to keep any serious negativity or sadness to myself as it can be too personal to share. Tonight though, I guess I'm feeling the need to cry and let it all out. I'm scared and lost, unknownland has really gotten to me. I'm lost in that in-between period of recovery. What is normal at this point and what is not? I'm feeling some pain in my knee and I'm unsure whether it is OK. I haven't done any physical therapy exercises since my appointment on Wednesday since I am uncomfortable with how my knee feels. No, it's not terrible pain, not at all. It's some aches, but sometimes some shoots of pain at the front my knee, reminiscent of when it first started to hurt. The discomfort tends to be the worst when I take the first few steps when getting up from sitting down for a period of time. Also, I don't remember a time, even after my last surgery, when I felt like my knee was so weak it could give out under me. I have felt this way a few times in the last 3-4 days and I'm really concerned. Dr. Dye's referral for physical therapy says this:
Begin gentle Post Op rehab
Program for left knee
Advance as tolerated
NO PAIN!!
Pain free
Home, gym program
It says "NO PAIN" in capital letters with two exclamation points, I did not exaggerate that statement. Alex, my physical therapist, says there is a difference between an ache that is "bad pain" or an ache that is a reaction to healthy exercise and is to be expected. I understand this, but to be honest, after 3 years of suffering from this darn overuse injury, the difference is not always clear. During my PT sessions, Alex and I make sure I'm not feeling any pain and adjust the exercises accordingly. Still, the reaction my knee has after the session is always unknown until it happens and my knee is still in the healing process. I imagine there could be several explanations, good or bad, for my knee discomfort. I just wish I knew what they were.
I'm terrified that my chances of a full recovery are already ruined. Dr. Dye said the first 2-3 month of my recovery are critical. Since he has responded so quickly to my emails in the past, I'm going to write him tonight and see if he responds tomorrow. Don't worry, I promise to keep the message professional, but clear about how my knee is feeling and what has happened over the past week. I won't let him know I am writing through my tears. Hopefully, Dr. Dye will set up an earlier follow-up appointment for me (my next one is a week away) and will be able to alleviate my fears that all is progressing as expected. That's all I need right now.
Begin gentle Post Op rehab
Program for left knee
Advance as tolerated
NO PAIN!!
Pain free
Home, gym program
It says "NO PAIN" in capital letters with two exclamation points, I did not exaggerate that statement. Alex, my physical therapist, says there is a difference between an ache that is "bad pain" or an ache that is a reaction to healthy exercise and is to be expected. I understand this, but to be honest, after 3 years of suffering from this darn overuse injury, the difference is not always clear. During my PT sessions, Alex and I make sure I'm not feeling any pain and adjust the exercises accordingly. Still, the reaction my knee has after the session is always unknown until it happens and my knee is still in the healing process. I imagine there could be several explanations, good or bad, for my knee discomfort. I just wish I knew what they were.
I'm terrified that my chances of a full recovery are already ruined. Dr. Dye said the first 2-3 month of my recovery are critical. Since he has responded so quickly to my emails in the past, I'm going to write him tonight and see if he responds tomorrow. Don't worry, I promise to keep the message professional, but clear about how my knee is feeling and what has happened over the past week. I won't let him know I am writing through my tears. Hopefully, Dr. Dye will set up an earlier follow-up appointment for me (my next one is a week away) and will be able to alleviate my fears that all is progressing as expected. That's all I need right now.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Physical Therapy and Unknownland
I've entered into what I call "Unknownland" with my knee. I'm so confused and conflicted! Up until this week, even with my mistake last weekend, each day my knee seemed a little better than the last. This week, after my physical therapy appointment, for the first time my knee felt worse. I don't blame Alex, my PT, since I can't be sure whether the new exercises were the culprit or not. There is also the possibility that the slight pain I've been feeling in my knee is normal. The synovectomy was sure to upset the sensitive nerves that are in the synovial lining. Maybe the fact that the swelling in my knee is slowly going down, makes the area more sensitive. That is only a theory I have, I only wish I could see inside my knee and know exactly what is going on.
The surprising addition to my routine this week was cycling. Alex put me on a stationary bike for 5 minutes at the end of my appointment on Wednesday. You wouldn't think anyone would be excited about 5 minutes of cycling, but I was! My biggest complaint going into the session was that my knee was feeling so stiff and tight. Alex said the worst thing I could do right now was to not move my knee. After the bike ride, my knee definitely gave it more flexibility. Alex recommended getting on my trainer for 5 minutes in the morning and evening to help continue this process. Thing is while doing this the last few days (morning only), there has been a little more pain under my knee cap and my knee feels even a little less stable. I know physical therapy is to help my knee get stronger from the surgery and the sedentary activity afterwards. It's just that feeling a little more pain makes me think I have to back off the PT exercises and reminds me of over-doing it in the past. Yes, it's a confusing situation. I left a voice mail message for Alex this afternoon and have not heard back from her yet. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Hopefully, the feeling of "Unknownland" will lessen a bit.
The surprising addition to my routine this week was cycling. Alex put me on a stationary bike for 5 minutes at the end of my appointment on Wednesday. You wouldn't think anyone would be excited about 5 minutes of cycling, but I was! My biggest complaint going into the session was that my knee was feeling so stiff and tight. Alex said the worst thing I could do right now was to not move my knee. After the bike ride, my knee definitely gave it more flexibility. Alex recommended getting on my trainer for 5 minutes in the morning and evening to help continue this process. Thing is while doing this the last few days (morning only), there has been a little more pain under my knee cap and my knee feels even a little less stable. I know physical therapy is to help my knee get stronger from the surgery and the sedentary activity afterwards. It's just that feeling a little more pain makes me think I have to back off the PT exercises and reminds me of over-doing it in the past. Yes, it's a confusing situation. I left a voice mail message for Alex this afternoon and have not heard back from her yet. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Hopefully, the feeling of "Unknownland" will lessen a bit.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Shhh... Don't Tell Morgan!
I bought my 15-month old niece Morgan a cute Easter Basket. It's a "duh" (duck) as Morgan says. It won't fit much candy, but it's so cute!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Weekend - A Big Mistake
I had a really hard day yesterday. I'm kind of embarrassed to be writing this post, since I told myself I was going to follow the "letter of the law" in my recovery from my recent knee scope. What I did on Saturday was a really big mistake, I just didn't think. I really wish I had a do-over for the weekend. I learned the hard way that my knee is not strong enough at this point to be up and about all day. It's not that I expected to be able be that strong at this point in my recovery, it's simply that I didn't think it through at all. By then, it was too late.
I got up yesterday morning and quickly got ready for my drive to the East Bay. I was looking forward to getting my haircut and running some errands in Walnut Creek. My haircut didn't turn out quite as I hoped. I'm still evaluating whether or not I like my new bangs or not and that just fueled to my angst later on in the day. My goal at Broadway Plaza shopping center was to buy a new pair of jeans. Not designer denim by any means, just a simple pair with loose fitting legs. You see, I don't have many pairs of jeans (yes, we can wear jeans to work at Old Navy, casual attire is the norm) that are easy to roll up to ice my knee in the middle of the day. I found some jeans I that would work, but overall everything I wanted to check off my list on Saturday took longer than I expected. I hadn't been shopping in quite some time and I had more than one purchase to make that was long overdue. By the time I was done at Broadway Plaza and stopped at Trader Joe's, my knee was aching and I didn't have my crutches for help. Oh no! I was so upset and terribly afraid I had messed up my knee. In hindsight, I should have known I couldn't do that much walking. What was I thinking?
I made it home to San Francisco around 6:00 PM and immediately put my leg up, iced my knee, and cried to let it all out. I used my crutches to get around my tiny apartment and did all I could to stay off my feet. Once I was off my knee, it felt fine and didn't seem to swell up more than it's current state. Thankfully, this morning I woke up feeling alright. It's been a rainy day and the only thing I did on my feet was go to the drugstore around the corner for a few things I couldn't pick up yesterday. Otherwise, I have been taking it easy. I even did my taxes! Other than my PT exercises (I'm skipping the hardest one for now), I will not be putting any strain on my knee even if Alex my physical therapist intended me to. Call me a little gun shy, yes. For the next few days anyway. I'm going to be much more careful in the coming weeks and months. I cannot afford any more mistakes.
I got up yesterday morning and quickly got ready for my drive to the East Bay. I was looking forward to getting my haircut and running some errands in Walnut Creek. My haircut didn't turn out quite as I hoped. I'm still evaluating whether or not I like my new bangs or not and that just fueled to my angst later on in the day. My goal at Broadway Plaza shopping center was to buy a new pair of jeans. Not designer denim by any means, just a simple pair with loose fitting legs. You see, I don't have many pairs of jeans (yes, we can wear jeans to work at Old Navy, casual attire is the norm) that are easy to roll up to ice my knee in the middle of the day. I found some jeans I that would work, but overall everything I wanted to check off my list on Saturday took longer than I expected. I hadn't been shopping in quite some time and I had more than one purchase to make that was long overdue. By the time I was done at Broadway Plaza and stopped at Trader Joe's, my knee was aching and I didn't have my crutches for help. Oh no! I was so upset and terribly afraid I had messed up my knee. In hindsight, I should have known I couldn't do that much walking. What was I thinking?
I made it home to San Francisco around 6:00 PM and immediately put my leg up, iced my knee, and cried to let it all out. I used my crutches to get around my tiny apartment and did all I could to stay off my feet. Once I was off my knee, it felt fine and didn't seem to swell up more than it's current state. Thankfully, this morning I woke up feeling alright. It's been a rainy day and the only thing I did on my feet was go to the drugstore around the corner for a few things I couldn't pick up yesterday. Otherwise, I have been taking it easy. I even did my taxes! Other than my PT exercises (I'm skipping the hardest one for now), I will not be putting any strain on my knee even if Alex my physical therapist intended me to. Call me a little gun shy, yes. For the next few days anyway. I'm going to be much more careful in the coming weeks and months. I cannot afford any more mistakes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)