Lost in Unknownland

I'm having a hard time stopping my tears right now. I've tried really hard to my blog posts as positive as possible, even when I'm having a hard time. Most of the time I feel as if it's best to keep any serious negativity or sadness to myself as it can be too personal to share. Tonight though, I guess I'm feeling the need to cry and let it all out. I'm scared and lost, unknownland has really gotten to me. I'm lost in that in-between period of recovery. What is normal at this point and what is not? I'm feeling some pain in my knee and I'm unsure whether it is OK. I haven't done any physical therapy exercises since my appointment on Wednesday since I am uncomfortable with how my knee feels. No, it's not terrible pain, not at all. It's some aches, but sometimes some shoots of pain at the front my knee, reminiscent of when it first started to hurt. The discomfort tends to be the worst when I take the first few steps when getting up from sitting down for a period of time. Also, I don't remember a time, even after my last surgery, when I felt like my knee was so weak it could give out under me. I have felt this way a few times in the last 3-4 days and I'm really concerned. Dr. Dye's referral for physical therapy says this:

Begin gentle Post Op rehab
Program for left knee
Advance as tolerated
NO PAIN!!
Pain free
Home, gym program

It says "NO PAIN" in capital letters with two exclamation points, I did not exaggerate that statement. Alex, my physical therapist, says there is a difference between an ache that is "bad pain" or an ache that is a reaction to healthy exercise and is to be expected. I understand this, but to be honest, after 3 years of suffering from this darn overuse injury, the difference is not always clear. During my PT sessions, Alex and I make sure I'm not feeling any pain and adjust the exercises accordingly. Still, the reaction my knee has after the session is always unknown until it happens and my knee is still in the healing process. I imagine there could be several explanations, good or bad, for my knee discomfort. I just wish I knew what they were.

I'm terrified that my chances of a full recovery are already ruined. Dr. Dye said the first 2-3 month of my recovery are critical. Since he has responded so quickly to my emails in the past, I'm going to write him tonight and see if he responds tomorrow. Don't worry, I promise to keep the message professional, but clear about how my knee is feeling and what has happened over the past week. I won't let him know I am writing through my tears. Hopefully, Dr. Dye will set up an earlier follow-up appointment for me (my next one is a week away) and will be able to alleviate my fears that all is progressing as expected. That's all I need right now.